I made the following for my wife. She works for the State of Florida as a grant manager. Pretty basic married humor......I made it look all official unlike this blog format but you can get the picture..
Victims Of Marriage’s Inevitable Trauma
V.O.M.I.T. Grunt Application Form (GAF 1-2143.4235)
Applicant Name: _______________________
Years of Wedded Bliss / Suffering B___ S____
Qualifications for funding from V.O.M.I.T. (Husbands – be specific, unlike explaining how your day has went. Wifes – be brief, unlike explaining how your day has went)
*Wives - Please include all forgotten important dates such as birthdays etc. Per subarticle 17-17456.23C, your sister’s dog’s birthday does not count.
· One to ten please rate “Nag Factor”. One being minimal, ten being we thought so.
*Please note that if this total is below 6 you will not qualify for V.O.M.I.T. assistance. In fact, we would presume this indicates that you are not married and are guilty of document falsification.
· Number of “Honey Do Lists” accumulated per quarter.
*Please provide documented proof of lists. As a husband you are unable to defend self in a he said she said format.
· Uninteresting parties, baby showers, wedding attended in fiscal year.
· Approximate number of mystery dinners you have claimed falsely to enjoy in fiscal year.
· Do those jeans make her butt look big?
*Please answer truthfully as your wife will not see this application, unless you leave it up accidentally on your screen which you probably will.
· Number of occurrences quarterly that you are forced to falsify his “prowess” at certain acts.
· One to ten rank general bodily funkiness in relation to odor and upkeep. One being Rose Garden /Adonis , Ten being we thought so.
· Quarterly hours spent wondering how much money your high school sweetheart / CEO makes in comparison to the ol’ blue collar ball and chain.
· Number of children.
*If more than two, you automatically qualify for V.O.M.I.T. assistance under the 1997 You Poor Poor Woman Act.
· Daily hours spent vastly underappreciated by just about everyone all the time.
For Husbands: Please have wife sign below allowing you to participate in this program.
As with all endeavors wife permission is necessary.
Wife Signature__________________ Printed Name _______________________