V.O.M.I.T.

I made the following for my wife. She works for the State of Florida as a grant manager. Pretty basic married humor......I made it look all official unlike this blog format but you can get the picture..



Victims Of Marriage’s Inevitable Trauma
________________________________________________________________________


V.O.M.I.T. Grunt Application Form (GAF 1-2143.4235)


Applicant Name: _______________________

Years of Wedded Bliss / Suffering B___ S____

Qualifications for funding from V.O.M.I.T. (Husbands – be specific, unlike explaining how your day has went. Wifes – be brief, unlike explaining how your day has went)

1.

2.

3.

*Wives - Please include all forgotten important dates such as birthdays etc. Per subarticle 17-17456.23C, your sister’s dog’s birthday does not count.



HUSBAND SECTION:

· One to ten please rate “Nag Factor”. One being minimal, ten being we thought so.

_______

*Please note that if this total is below 6 you will not qualify for V.O.M.I.T. assistance. In fact, we would presume this indicates that you are not married and are guilty of document falsification.

· Number of “Honey Do Lists” accumulated per quarter.

_______

*Please provide documented proof of lists. As a husband you are unable to defend self in a he said she said format.

· Uninteresting parties, baby showers, wedding attended in fiscal year.

_______

· Approximate number of mystery dinners you have claimed falsely to enjoy in fiscal year.

________

· Do those jeans make her butt look big?

________

*Please answer truthfully as your wife will not see this application, unless you leave it up accidentally on your screen which you probably will.



WIFE SECTION:


· Number of occurrences quarterly that you are forced to falsify his “prowess” at certain acts.

________

· One to ten rank general bodily funkiness in relation to odor and upkeep. One being Rose Garden /Adonis , Ten being we thought so.

________

· Quarterly hours spent wondering how much money your high school sweetheart / CEO makes in comparison to the ol’ blue collar ball and chain.

________

· Number of children.

________

*If more than two, you automatically qualify for V.O.M.I.T. assistance under the 1997 You Poor Poor Woman Act.

· Daily hours spent vastly underappreciated by just about everyone all the time.

_________


For Husbands: Please have wife sign below allowing you to participate in this program.
As with all endeavors wife permission is necessary.

Wife Signature__________________ Printed Name _______________________